Been in the group for 17 years. Yuki Kashiwagi will graduate from AKB48 with the theater performance on April 30th. She has been known as the “original handshake event queen” and seems to have had a smooth life as an idol as a popular member, but behind the hectic idol scene, her unknown hardships and conflicts are hidden. We bring you a “life-sized” interview that captures both the sour and the sweet.
[New photo taken by Yuki Kashiwagi]
A country girl who is an idol fan makes a strong decision and passes the audition!
I got a positive response from experiencing a popular member’s “under”
──Please tell us again why you decided to graduate at this time.
KashiwagiIt all started when a number of things came together that made me think, “Maybe it’s time for me to graduate?” The first was that I thought it was about time for a member to take my place. As the oldest member, I have been leading the group for the past two or three years, but it is only when the seniors graduate and are forced to do it that way, as I was, that people become more effective. I think it’s something that will grow.
──So “position makes a person”?
Kashiwagiyes! I’m sure some kids will shy away from me because of my presence. The second reason was that it simply became difficult to memorize dance choreography. In my 20s, I had more and more situations where I was struggling with physical deterioration that I never thought about. Of course, there are a lot of complicated dances these days (lol). I couldn’t remember everything in one lesson, so I kept taking it home or asking my juniors to give private lessons, and I can’t deny that I felt like, “This might be too difficult.” Also, the third reason is that I want my current favorite members of AKB48 to see me off. I think it’s a little hard to see off the graduation of members I’m already attached to. Also, I had spent more than half of my life in AKB48, and it was around last spring that I realized that I wanted to experience Yuki Kashiwagi outside of the group. This is the first time that so many thoughts have intertwined with each other…
──Have you been aiming to become an idol since you were young?
KashiwagiI agree! For a long time, my dream and goal was to “stand on stage!” rather than “I want to be famous” or “I want to appear on TV,” so I chose AKB48 because they performed in theaters every day. When I was a high school student in my mid-teens, I spent every day going to school and the theater. Especially during the summer vacation, I had to perform three performances a day, which was physically demanding at times, but I still think that I had just fulfilled my old dream and had a really fun time.
──Kashiwagi-san also had a period when he was just starting out.
KashiwagiThat’s right! Over the next three years, I gradually started getting more opportunities to appear on TV…At the time, rather than feeling happy, I was actually confused and thinking, “Huh? Isn’t this something outrageous?” I remember when I was in my late teens that it was bigger. Because, at first, I was thinking of quitting being an idol after my third year of high school. If I were to describe it without fear of misunderstanding, I think it was more like a club activity. Back then, every day I went to high school and went to the theater in the evening. Like club activities, I dedicated my youth to theater performances.
──So, you had the option to graduate from high school and go to university?
Kashiwagiyes! Originally, I was planning to return to Kagoshima after graduating from high school. I didn’t say it out loud, but it seems like my parents didn’t think it would last long either (lol). However, towards the end of high school, where we were filming the MV for “Ponytail and Scrunchie,” the group suddenly gained momentum, and I started thinking, “Huh? There’s no way I’ll be able to quit university or even quit at this rate.” Of course, I was filled with joy, but on the other hand, I was also worried about what my life would be like from now on. It wasn’t like I could see what was ahead.
──By the way, did you attend a dance school before you started your idol activities?
KashiwagiIt was just a sightseeing level (lol). Since I was little, I had dreamed of being on stage, so there was a time when I wanted to take some kind of lessons. There are kids singing and dancing on stage at the local summer festival, right? Although there are few dance schools attended by such children, there is one in Kagoshima, and I tried to step into it, but I didn’t really get used to it… There was already a community, and I guess I didn’t have the guts to join that circle. Even at school, I was the type of person who was known as a “dark person”, and I was a really inconspicuous person, so back then I couldn’t approach anyone cheerfully. When I saw the so-called “positive” kids doing their best, I thought, “It might be difficult here…” and gave up. However, if I had done well there, I might not be where I am today.
──Kashiwagi-san, who had a somewhat dull childhood, decided to audition for AKB48.
KashiwagiWhen I went to Tokyo for the final stage of the audition, I only remember being depressed and thinking, “This is a different level…I’ve come to a dangerous place.” That’s because she wore make-up and the clothes she wore had good taste. I also went shopping with my mom for the audition and went to the final selection, and I looked like a country girl (lol). It felt completely out of place. Morning Musume in Kagoshima. When I went to the audition, I recognized that the people around me were my rivals, but the girls who participated in the final selection were too sophisticated city girls, and I felt like I wanted to run away from them, thinking, “They’re on a different level…” was.
──Still, when was the turning point when you passed the audition and felt like you could make it as an idol?
KashiwagiBefore appearing in theaters, I went on a national tour as a substitute for Yuko Oshima’s “Under”. Yuko-chan was unable to attend the performances in Fukuoka and Nagoya due to filming a movie, so I, who I didn’t know where at the time, decided to perform in her place. First, I was given materials for about 30 songs to sing at the concert and was told to “memorize all of them within a week.”I practiced at home by rewinding the DVD over and over again, but the choreography shown on TV did not match the actual choreography. It’s really difficult because it’s the other way around. Still, being an idol fan myself helped me out. Actually, ever since I lived in my hometown, I’ve been watching TV and memorizing choreography as a matter of course. What’s more, I remembered how I cheekily reversed myself to do the same move. That kind of “self-training” was helpful. Of course, I had a hard time keeping up with the lessons, but I’m really glad I’m an idol fan.
──I can’t imagine the tension of standing on stage with your seniors.
KashiwagiSince she’s replacing Yuko-chan, she’s all standing in the center position. As expected, I felt sorry for both the fans and the senior members. Again, this was at a time when I was only showing my face. The person who becomes symmetrical is Atsuko Maeda. There was also a performance where you stood on stage holding hands with Maeda-san. My hands were sweaty and I didn’t feel like I was alive. I was simply a fan of AKB48, so I was thrilled to be able to talk with the senior members, but to be honest at the time, I was a little depressed about going to rehearsals every day.
“Naniwa’s Variety Queen” who admires Yukirin and the junior members she respects
──From then on, you were in your 20s and became a core member of the group.
KashiwagiThe challenges changed depending on my age and the position I was in. When I first joined the group, I worked up a lot of sweat, but when I was placed in a middle position between my seniors and juniors, I faced a different kind of difficulty and conflict. I’m afraid that even if I come in second or third place in the general election, I won’t be able to stay in that position forever…I find myself placed at the end of the second row. I guess I was in my early to mid-20s when I realized that there was nothing I could do as a member of a group.
──Does that mean that your “pecking order” within the group has fallen?
KashiwagiHmm, for example, when we released “RIVER” and “Heavy Rotation,” I felt like the group was doing well and everyone was doing their best, so I didn’t think about it too much. On the other hand, after the group became known to the public to a certain extent, more and more juniors joined the group, and some of them were selected to be the center. I started to lose sight of my position, and in short, I lost track of my reason for being in AKB48. What helped me during that period was that I had the opportunity to work concurrently with other groups.
──You held concurrent positions with NMB48 in 2014 and NGT48 in 2015.
KashiwagiIt was my first experience to be the only senior among the juniors. Although I am senior to him in terms of age and career, I am the newest member of NMB48, which is natural, but since I joined later, I am the only one who has to learn the singing and dance choreography, so there are things I don’t understand. I couldn’t even follow the lessons without asking my juniors about it. By putting myself in such a situation, I realized that it’s okay to rely on my juniors and that I also need to admit what I can’t do.
──This is an episode that also applies to people in organizations around the world! In any organization, there will be times when you will be overtaken by your juniors in the competition.
KashiwagiAfter all, I guess he couldn’t come to terms with his junior being selected as the center or being placed in the front row. It’s a trivial question to worry about, but I can’t deny that the thought of “Why did I come in 2nd place and then 11th place?” occupied my mind. Anyway, I think it was a mixture of pride and jealousy as a senior member. I was able to get rid of those unnecessary feelings by working concurrently with NMB.
──Even though you compete within the group, were there any members you could call your best friends?
KashiwagiMy classmates are still good friends. Among them, Katayama Yoka-chan, who has already graduated, is my best friend. We became friends because we sat next to each other at an audition, and we still keep in touch every day, and we meet once or twice a week (lol). I think he’s probably my best friend in life.
──Are you so-called “comrades” who have been doing idol activities together?
KashiwagiNo, that’s a perfect friend! What can I say…we don’t have any jealousy towards each other, we don’t have any conflicting opinions, we just accept each other honestly!! AKB48 is the one who introduced me to my best friend. I am grateful to you. He came to my house the other day and was playing Mario Kart the whole time (lol).
──Were there any members who were very conscious of the opposite?
KashiwagiIt’s not crazy though… (lol). Is it Sasshi (Rino Sashihara) who I truly respect? She is my junior and is one year younger than me, but ever since we were active in the same team before our group broke out, I have always looked at her as if she was different from other girls. . Of course I mean it in a good way. He was a character that neither my seniors nor my peers in the group had before. In any case, his “speaking skills” were outstanding. Every day I was impressed by how he was able to make such strong comments to his seniors. Gradually, its charm was recognized even outside the group…
──In the blink of an eye, you came in first place in the general election.
KashiwagiWhat I thought was especially amazing was the communication with co-stars outside the group. I often took the members with me to greet them. Also, even if it’s just a warning to my juniors, I can always learn a lot. For example, there were many times when I would nonchalantly urge my juniors to be careful, saying, “I’m not good at it either, so let’s all be careful!” This is everyone’s problem, including myself. At that time, I wasn’t able to say much to my juniors, so I was conscious of assisting by listening first to what Sasshi had to say. It was hard to believe that he was my junior. I think I learned a lot from watching Sasshi, such as working with the staff and directing concerts.
──Isn’t there a lot of kids who want to join AKB48 because of Kashiwagi-san?
KashiwagiThankfully, there are some in the group as well. Even in the “Sakamichi Series”, there are girls who have told me stories about how they met me at a handshake event in the past and decided to become idols. Also, Nagisaki Shibuya from NMB48OG seems to have fallen in love with AKB48 after seeing a live video of “Ponytail to Shushu” in which only I was visible. She told me how she used to listen to my solo songs while walking to school. Now, when I see Shibuya Nagisaki-chan’s current activities, I feel like, “Thank you for giving me the chance!” (lol).
What are the hidden thoughts about marriage that “occupation” = “idol”?
──Please tell us about your family’s reaction when you told them that you were graduating.
KashiwagiWhen I asked my mother, “I’m thinking of graduating for this reason…what do you think?”, she immediately replied, “I think it’s totally fine!” My mother is the type of person who approves of everything I do, but she is also a good advisor who sometimes gives her honest opinions. She supported her and said, “She hadn’t thought about it before, but if she’s starting to feel like graduating, maybe it’s the right time.”
──What about your father? I heard that you were not positive about your activities at first.
KashiwagiIt’s not that I was against it, but the truth is that I kept quiet about my audition until the last minute. The day before the final screening, her mother finally informed her that “Yuki will be going to the audition tomorrow, and it seems that it will be announced on the same day whether she passed or not.” Still, neither of my parents had any idea that I would pass, so there were times when I didn’t think too seriously, thinking, “Well, I guess it’s a good idea to just take it as a commemoration.” Even if they didn’t say it out loud, it was like, “I’m not going to get in anyway.” Then, when I passed the exam, I was like, “Okay, that’s a big deal” (lol). From my father’s point of view, it never occurred to him that his wife and only daughter would be leaving for Tokyo within a month of the final screening date. So, if anything, the correct answer is that rather than being against it, there was no way to do anything about it.
──Do you have any plans to be filial to your parents?
KashiwagiI want to help my parents do whatever they want. Recently, my father is addicted to golf, so I’ve been buying him golf equipment (lol). I order golf balls to be delivered to my parents’ house, and sometimes when I go back to my hometown, we go to the department store together and choose golf wear together. My mother is the type of person who is hesitant when I give her a present, but my father is very careful and chooses a top-bottom set for his golf wear just to show off (lol). I will continue to repay you for the trouble I have caused you over the past 17 years. Also, to the members…
──So, do you also give back to your members?
KashiwagiIn the five months since I announced my graduation, I always coordinate my schedule and go out to eat with my juniors who have said, “I want to go out to dinner!” It may be an exaggeration to call it “final life,” but I want to make sure there’s nothing left undone by the time I graduate from the group. There were days when I was absorbed in “Torikizoku” from late at night after lessons until early in the morning (lol).
──Having said that, unlike the younger generation, isn’t Orr’s body screaming until morning?
KashiwagiAfter I got home, I was extremely tired (lol). Also, it’s scary to waste time and money. Not only do I pay for the store, but I also pay for the taxi ride home (lol). However, I am determined to make my junior’s wishes come true without worrying about money!
──By the way, have you started paying more attention to your body care now that you are over 30?
KashiwagiNo, I think it’s because I don’t take care of myself that it becomes painful. I still stay up late at night and eat a lot of sweets. It might be a little different if I exercised my body regularly and ate a healthy diet, but as much as I work hard at work, I also want to do lots of fun things. is. I go to karaoke with my best friends, eat whatever I want even late at night, and sleep until the very last moment in the morning. It is true that such a lazy lifestyle supported my 17 years as an idol (lol).
──Even if you graduate from AKB48, will you not graduate from being an idol?
KashiwagiI want to continue singing on stage. After all, it’s something I love and have been doing for 17 years. I want to continue my solo idol activities for the sake of the fans who still come to see me.
──Still, if you continue to be an idol for a long time, it seems like you can hear some heartless outside voices.
KashiwagiEven if you don’t like it, you can hear voices like, “How long will you stay?” or “Quickly make room for your juniors!” I tend to do ego searches, so I was in my late 20s when I saw comments like that online and felt hurt. In interviews with the media, I’m always asked, “When are you going to graduate?” and while I thought, “I guess I have to graduate after all,” I said, “But I’m enjoying AKB’s activities.” Conflicts were swirling around in my head. But after I turned 30, it stopped bothering me (lol). Even when someone asked me, “How long will you be here?” I had developed the mentality to reply, “What kind of trouble am I causing you by being here?”
──What did producer Yasushi Akimoto say to you about “graduation”?
KashiwagiI consulted with him before announcing my graduation. At that time, he warmly said, “I will support Kashiwagi in the life he has chosen.” Akimoto-san also said, “Keep doing your best for your juniors even after you graduate!” which shows his love for the group.
──Are you particular about continuing to be an “idol” rather than a singer?
KashiwagiFirst of all, if I wanted to be called an actress, talent, or artist, I think I would have decided to graduate earlier. While I have experienced various jobs in the entertainment industry, the title of idol has become the most fitting for me. To begin with, they have spent more than half of their lives as idols, and they have become inseparable. I am determined to continue being an idol as a “profession” from now on.
──Will continuing your idol activities put you off from love and marriage?
KashiwagiNo, no! I’m definitely planning on getting married (lol). However, since I am an idol as a profession, I will consider whether or not to bring my marriage to the forefront based on the reactions of my fans. Actually, Akimoto-san also told me, “It’s okay to get married even if you’re in AKB,” but I didn’t think it was a good idea to set that precedent. By the way, I have already informed my fans that I might get married.
──By any chance, do you already have plans?
KashiwagiWell, not even a millimeter (lol).
──The fans have also agreed to this.
KashiwagiA male fan who has been supporting me for a long time asks me, “Please don’t stop appearing on stage.” Thankfully, people have told me that they don’t want me to quit being an idol even after getting married. It may be a convenient way of looking at it, but I still have the best fans who say, “My happiness is their happiness.” I have nothing but gratitude!
Composition/Photography/Takeshi Maruyama Interview/Text/Masahiro Tashima
Tags: Yuki Kashiwagi talks candidly years spent AKB48 guess hard graduation members attached GetNavi web GetNavi
-
